Although to me Shane O Neil seems like just another generic post LADD/ post Mike Mo Aussie, Berra boasts its one of the best video parts he's ever seen.
Berra claims he's so excited about this little video that he wants his website to host it as a 2.99 $ download and give the money as "some sort of gift" to Shane to celebrate him turning pro for Skatemental- (what a guy!).
Oh, and of course somewhere else on the site in there,he off handedly states that some of the $$ has to go to pay for putting up the website's video content.
I don't know much about web hosting or how much bandwidth costs to watch videos, but it seems to me it would'nt cost as much as they claim (desktop publishing seems like a relatively cheap technology).
But I guess video DOES get more expensive when you factor in mouths to feed and props being build and extraneous/irrelevant shows to litter the internet with.
Then Berra not so cleverly films some of the fakest pros (Greco, Dyrdek) waching the Shane O Neil video part and acting like said part is on some second coming of the Gonz/Natas level- painting it up to proportions of a Mouse/Video Days/Wonderful Horrible Life magnitude.
The 2.99$ price is indicative of a bigger lie (you take a penny away from the final price to make it look like its a dollar less, when it is really only a penny less).
I think about how you can tell a lot about a person by how they skate (Berra instals faux props at spots and films them for his videos. His claim to fame; inventing not so cleverly deceptive veritable street parks).
One of the final steps is getting Berrics pros to film testimonies about how "important" video parts are to pro skaters and to skateboarding in general- like we didn't already know this.
Jeron Wilson with his John Q. Heineken goatee, smuggly stating: "It means everything, if you want to make it in the skateboarding game" as if it hasnt been over fourteen years since he himself has actually pumped out something relevant or worth watching.
And when Mike Vallley further pontificates: "My skating is the ulimate expression of my skating", it makes me wonder how pro wresteling fits into his old 411 section.
And the promise of Guys Mouse part becomes even further unfullfilled with another one of his numerous babbling testimonials- his face looking like he has been smoking crack for the last ten years.
What these guys represent is the old gurad- pre internet age G level celebrities who rose up through the exclusuve media monopoly fraternity that was professional skating.
Instead of challenging pre concieved notions and questioning dead end norms(current skate videos being at a haulting standstill), they are contracted out to futily endorse and reinforce their now in jeopardy status quo.
Skateboarding should be defined by more than contrived clips synched up to i-tunes.
There should be more stringent criteria when placing value on pros and what they mean to skateculture- a video part can only tell you so much.
And remember the dangers of pop- along with the dangers of beauty; being seduced by what lies on the surface, when in fact there is not much beyond.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesdays with Creager
If I haven't been over exhausted with all the "too much footage" footage - I might have had enough sentimentality left in me to make some egregious statement about how Ronnie Creager's mom's Stuffed Camel collection comes off as ad hoc Mike Kelley Sculpture.
But of course, Leave it to Reda to not miss the opportunity to make the expected tawdy and predictable camel toe joke.
Not only are the jokes unoriginal, but so is the actual media content.
And leave it to Reda to exhaust the whole Creager hiding prod in his neighborhood idea - as if he were mining for lost nuggets not covered in the first Ronnie Creager 411 day in the Life.
It's Just a prime Illustration of industry hackery- and how it taints and devalues something we would normally atleast sorta care about.
And as if the sound bite from the Smiths song on the show's title block shot is so clever in its ironic re-contextualization. Which instead, just gets more annoying with each subsequent viewing. (kinda like Reda's personality)
It also kinda blows my mind that someone is even publishing a book by this guy.
What's Next? Giovanni Reda on an episode of My Name is Earl?
And Didn't DVS just give him his own shoe? Wow.
Its a Prime example of the industry just sucking its own dick (or in this case fucking its own face)- promoting and blowing up some very minor/arbitrary figure and saturating the market with a product no one needs or cares about. A product that simply takes away from skateboarding's cultural cachet.
But of course, Leave it to Reda to not miss the opportunity to make the expected tawdy and predictable camel toe joke.
Not only are the jokes unoriginal, but so is the actual media content.
And leave it to Reda to exhaust the whole Creager hiding prod in his neighborhood idea - as if he were mining for lost nuggets not covered in the first Ronnie Creager 411 day in the Life.
It's Just a prime Illustration of industry hackery- and how it taints and devalues something we would normally atleast sorta care about.
And as if the sound bite from the Smiths song on the show's title block shot is so clever in its ironic re-contextualization. Which instead, just gets more annoying with each subsequent viewing. (kinda like Reda's personality)
It also kinda blows my mind that someone is even publishing a book by this guy.
What's Next? Giovanni Reda on an episode of My Name is Earl?
And Didn't DVS just give him his own shoe? Wow.
Its a Prime example of the industry just sucking its own dick (or in this case fucking its own face)- promoting and blowing up some very minor/arbitrary figure and saturating the market with a product no one needs or cares about. A product that simply takes away from skateboarding's cultural cachet.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
F.T.B.I.T.F. Cantina
.
Once again proving that I have more talent in my pinky toe nail than all of the Beautiful Losers put together, Heres a sneek peek of the prototype for the F.T.B.I.T.F., Vans, and Blogspot limited edition triple colab slip on sneaker (patent pending)that I designed!
Help support F.T.B.I.T.F!! For only 1,200$ we will heat transfer your shop's logo onto the canvas and together we can save skateboarding and blow minds and always win at everything we do and all be bros with the broiest of bros ever who bro-ed down in the history of bro-dom!
Once again proving that I have more talent in my pinky toe nail than all of the Beautiful Losers put together, Heres a sneek peek of the prototype for the F.T.B.I.T.F., Vans, and Blogspot limited edition triple colab slip on sneaker (patent pending)that I designed!
Help support F.T.B.I.T.F!! For only 1,200$ we will heat transfer your shop's logo onto the canvas and together we can save skateboarding and blow minds and always win at everything we do and all be bros with the broiest of bros ever who bro-ed down in the history of bro-dom!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Minor Media
Too many skaters, too many clips, too many videos and not enough auteurs.
Instead of watching footage of Berra vibing Juliette Lewis, ten years later it comes down to watching him getting half vibed by some Canadian tweens who won the latest video contest. While Berra stretches out the footy by showing himself presenting each and everyone with their Gatorade trophys, I can't help but get a bad bad case of second hand embarrassment.
So what if these kids are good (double shuvuts, fakie tres, bomb tres)?? They still skate like every other fifteen year old "post tech" skater. All these kids are so identical. Every clip is banged out perfectly, but the video and the kids still come off as sanitized as ever (the generic Biggie song for the generic park montage only seals the deal).
What problems do I have with the Berrics? For one, their motto: "We don't report the news, we are the news." Since they are probably the leading internet skate outlet, it is obvious that they are insistent on confining the whole skate world into a small warehouse in Southern California. Obviously, watching randomly generic Canadian kids do calculatedly generic moves suffices as "the news" for Berra and company. Documenting pros getting out of their cars and filming them reading text messages also qualifies to them as "the News" as well.
In an age of media super-saturation, Berra and company are mostly part of the problem and offer no effective/ realistic solutions. Their idea of spicing up Mike Vallely's Battle Commander for instance, is by renting a Trans-Am, filming that and then making that the intro. And like all the rest of their videos, there's nothing really tangible to grab onto, even in the feeble attempt of articulating Mike Valley's latest identity crisis.
.
Instead of watching footage of Berra vibing Juliette Lewis, ten years later it comes down to watching him getting half vibed by some Canadian tweens who won the latest video contest. While Berra stretches out the footy by showing himself presenting each and everyone with their Gatorade trophys, I can't help but get a bad bad case of second hand embarrassment.
So what if these kids are good (double shuvuts, fakie tres, bomb tres)?? They still skate like every other fifteen year old "post tech" skater. All these kids are so identical. Every clip is banged out perfectly, but the video and the kids still come off as sanitized as ever (the generic Biggie song for the generic park montage only seals the deal).
What problems do I have with the Berrics? For one, their motto: "We don't report the news, we are the news." Since they are probably the leading internet skate outlet, it is obvious that they are insistent on confining the whole skate world into a small warehouse in Southern California. Obviously, watching randomly generic Canadian kids do calculatedly generic moves suffices as "the news" for Berra and company. Documenting pros getting out of their cars and filming them reading text messages also qualifies to them as "the News" as well.
In an age of media super-saturation, Berra and company are mostly part of the problem and offer no effective/ realistic solutions. Their idea of spicing up Mike Vallely's Battle Commander for instance, is by renting a Trans-Am, filming that and then making that the intro. And like all the rest of their videos, there's nothing really tangible to grab onto, even in the feeble attempt of articulating Mike Valley's latest identity crisis.
.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Commendante Journal Log #44566783432
Commandante Garcia Reporting F.T.B.I.T.F journal log #44566783432!
Its calm on all fronts, but I still expect a quiet STORM is coming soon.
It's 1:11 on First Try Fridays and they still haven't posted a video! Instead, they got some footage of some Berrics underling/hack job picking up some kids from the airport in the rain.
Really makes realize how much times have Changed.
I think back:
Warped Tour 1997 finals in Houston at some random performance hall off Post Oak road and the tollway.
The street course was some random bank ramps, wall rides and rails next to a wall in the dark. The only way you could navigate around was to skate sideways, like only back and fourth.
Everyone was there, and I barely made the cut (the pre lims were at South Side).All the heads were at the finals: Womack, Wil Taylor, Wayne Patrick (I tied with him in the finals!), Dan Mc Farlane, Robert Botello and even Jason Martain!
They had a manual pad leaning up against the wall and I remember doing some kinda free styled ally opp wall ridey thingy. This was right about the beggining of the whole East Coast explosion that was taking everyone by STORM (I was even wearing my powder blue Nicotine Ricky Oyola "Skate everything" T-shirt!!!)
At one point before the contest I found myself sitting on the ground on my skateboard right next to Friggin Duane Peters!
He turns his head to me and says out of nowhere: "all the kids in Ny were killing that wall ride!"
Then he proceed to give me unsolicited pointers on what angle to hit the same wall ride ramp which was up against the blackened concrete brick wall!!
I was so psyched! I well knew Dwane and his career(this was right before he got on Beer City skateboards).
Getting chummy advice from the man himself made the whole apocalyptic contest in the dark at the day concert on a crappy side of town well worth it!
I responded back to Duane, jubilantly: "Thanks for the advice!"
But then he thought I came off condescending and then he snaps back at me: "Well fuck you then!!!!!"
I felt as if I had been cast in to sudden hell! I felt so bad!
Just the sensation of having Duane Peters telling you to fuck off, you instinctively
feel a communion with some kind of true punk rock essence.
I wanted to tell Duane : "No I'm serious!! Thank You!", but trying to explain that further within that whole hyper-real atmosphere (I think at one point 311 was playing live) would have seemed even more ridiculous.
Dwane had the right idea though. That dude had gone pro. Lived pro and got chewed up and spit up by the industry until he was living in a ditch and addicted to heroin!
Who the fuck was I to vide this guy (if I really had vibed him)?
I'm sure it was a minor miracle in itself that he wasn't in jail- that he could enthusiastically share some of his expertise even in such deplorable settings on one of the hundreds of Saturdays of his life.
Moral of the Story: You cant be nice to children! They will most likely just walk over you and make a mockery of your establishment(I used to be a substitute teacher, this is my area of expertise).
It's really important to be extra mean to little kids with their un-rock n roll- rock n roll hair cuts, wearing underwear their parents wash.
Don't get me wrong though,I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with starting off in a poseur phase.
But please,just don't let the poseurs tell the OGS what time it is! That's all I'm saying!
And just cause you're younger doesn't automatically know whats cooler, anyways!
(In my day we had real manly man pros like Sean Sheffey, Ethan Fowler and Jason Lee. Whereas these new kids may claim Sean Malto, Jeremy Rogers and Sheckler.)
Anyways, If you're catering to children and moms, not only are hierarchies diminished, but you also come off looking kinda pathetic and desperate for acceptance. Its just defeats the purpose of being a cool pro or park owner.
And if you use the excuse "I'm just trying to pay my bills!"- I think that's a very poor excuse, because you are actually affirming that you are actively taking something away from Skateculture just for personal ends.
.
Its calm on all fronts, but I still expect a quiet STORM is coming soon.
It's 1:11 on First Try Fridays and they still haven't posted a video! Instead, they got some footage of some Berrics underling/hack job picking up some kids from the airport in the rain.
Really makes realize how much times have Changed.
I think back:
Warped Tour 1997 finals in Houston at some random performance hall off Post Oak road and the tollway.
The street course was some random bank ramps, wall rides and rails next to a wall in the dark. The only way you could navigate around was to skate sideways, like only back and fourth.
Everyone was there, and I barely made the cut (the pre lims were at South Side).All the heads were at the finals: Womack, Wil Taylor, Wayne Patrick (I tied with him in the finals!), Dan Mc Farlane, Robert Botello and even Jason Martain!
They had a manual pad leaning up against the wall and I remember doing some kinda free styled ally opp wall ridey thingy. This was right about the beggining of the whole East Coast explosion that was taking everyone by STORM (I was even wearing my powder blue Nicotine Ricky Oyola "Skate everything" T-shirt!!!)
At one point before the contest I found myself sitting on the ground on my skateboard right next to Friggin Duane Peters!
He turns his head to me and says out of nowhere: "all the kids in Ny were killing that wall ride!"
Then he proceed to give me unsolicited pointers on what angle to hit the same wall ride ramp which was up against the blackened concrete brick wall!!
I was so psyched! I well knew Dwane and his career(this was right before he got on Beer City skateboards).
Getting chummy advice from the man himself made the whole apocalyptic contest in the dark at the day concert on a crappy side of town well worth it!
I responded back to Duane, jubilantly: "Thanks for the advice!"
But then he thought I came off condescending and then he snaps back at me: "Well fuck you then!!!!!"
I felt as if I had been cast in to sudden hell! I felt so bad!
Just the sensation of having Duane Peters telling you to fuck off, you instinctively
feel a communion with some kind of true punk rock essence.
I wanted to tell Duane : "No I'm serious!! Thank You!", but trying to explain that further within that whole hyper-real atmosphere (I think at one point 311 was playing live) would have seemed even more ridiculous.
Dwane had the right idea though. That dude had gone pro. Lived pro and got chewed up and spit up by the industry until he was living in a ditch and addicted to heroin!
Who the fuck was I to vide this guy (if I really had vibed him)?
I'm sure it was a minor miracle in itself that he wasn't in jail- that he could enthusiastically share some of his expertise even in such deplorable settings on one of the hundreds of Saturdays of his life.
Moral of the Story: You cant be nice to children! They will most likely just walk over you and make a mockery of your establishment(I used to be a substitute teacher, this is my area of expertise).
It's really important to be extra mean to little kids with their un-rock n roll- rock n roll hair cuts, wearing underwear their parents wash.
Don't get me wrong though,I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with starting off in a poseur phase.
But please,just don't let the poseurs tell the OGS what time it is! That's all I'm saying!
And just cause you're younger doesn't automatically know whats cooler, anyways!
(In my day we had real manly man pros like Sean Sheffey, Ethan Fowler and Jason Lee. Whereas these new kids may claim Sean Malto, Jeremy Rogers and Sheckler.)
Anyways, If you're catering to children and moms, not only are hierarchies diminished, but you also come off looking kinda pathetic and desperate for acceptance. Its just defeats the purpose of being a cool pro or park owner.
And if you use the excuse "I'm just trying to pay my bills!"- I think that's a very poor excuse, because you are actually affirming that you are actively taking something away from Skateculture just for personal ends.
.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Thursdays with Sen-Dawgz
Always blurring the lines between me media and commerce content, Giovanni Reda peels through the veneers of the complexity behind the international man of mystery; Chico Brenes!
DUDE fucking Chico man! Dude its Chico duuuuuude!
Heres what I learned from the epsiode:
Chico is all about hustle.
Chico is proud of his ethnocentricity.
Chico imigrated from Nicaragua.
Chico has a video part in the New LRG video.
Watch out Maisailles Brothers because Reda wants your Job!
Rehashing the same Chico content thats been reflected in: the diatribe section of Slap magazine, the end credits in Mouse, the telephone conversation on skatetalk with Fabian Alomar and countless other interviews that have come out in the last sixteen years, I learned absolutely nothing new about Chico.
Is it the A.D.D. edits punctating all the video comments or the fact that it's apparent that Reda automatically assumes we think hes hilarious because of his nerdy guido accent- that Illustrates the Industrys overexposure of pros and certain fabricated "post pro" personalities?
From Berras good guy role, to Koston as bad cop, Reda plays jester minstrel for the clubhouse and their micro Industry. Theres a role for everyone in the Berrics (even the Grom kids are getting their own show).
Hardly 411- the Berrics truly makes me appreciate the efforts of Josh Friedberg and his understanding of editing in relation to content. Then again, I would imagine Friedberg being more cautious- probably in part because he lacked the luxuries (and curses) of desktop publishing.
In the internet age, with skate videotape being dead- most of the ones who get paid to articulate sk8 culture have odviously forgotten that mystery is achieved less by what you show and more from what you don't.
DUDE fucking Chico man! Dude its Chico duuuuuude!
Heres what I learned from the epsiode:
Chico is all about hustle.
Chico is proud of his ethnocentricity.
Chico imigrated from Nicaragua.
Chico has a video part in the New LRG video.
Watch out Maisailles Brothers because Reda wants your Job!
Rehashing the same Chico content thats been reflected in: the diatribe section of Slap magazine, the end credits in Mouse, the telephone conversation on skatetalk with Fabian Alomar and countless other interviews that have come out in the last sixteen years, I learned absolutely nothing new about Chico.
Is it the A.D.D. edits punctating all the video comments or the fact that it's apparent that Reda automatically assumes we think hes hilarious because of his nerdy guido accent- that Illustrates the Industrys overexposure of pros and certain fabricated "post pro" personalities?
From Berras good guy role, to Koston as bad cop, Reda plays jester minstrel for the clubhouse and their micro Industry. Theres a role for everyone in the Berrics (even the Grom kids are getting their own show).
Hardly 411- the Berrics truly makes me appreciate the efforts of Josh Friedberg and his understanding of editing in relation to content. Then again, I would imagine Friedberg being more cautious- probably in part because he lacked the luxuries (and curses) of desktop publishing.
In the internet age, with skate videotape being dead- most of the ones who get paid to articulate sk8 culture have odviously forgotten that mystery is achieved less by what you show and more from what you don't.
Special Mission Operative Journal Log
Operative operator #321576, Seneca Garcia checking into the F.T.B.I.T.F.!!!!
(salutes blogger dashboard on the computer screen).
It's Wednesday, but I'm already wishing it was First Try Friday. The only thing I have to tide me over is re watching the last harrowing episode with little Felipe Gustavo getting woken up at four in the morning by Neil Mims (or was it Pat Duffy?).
I was thinking to myself: "Felipe was in the deepest of sleeps on the floor of the office. The kids no doubt got talent, but I'm sorry, theres no way he can switch flip the mini seven first try!!!!". And low and behold Felipe exceeds all my expectations.
And what style that kid has! He just popped it, flicked the shit out of it, locked it and landed it super clean with a super hippidy hoppidy-hop steez. So fucking buttery!!!
Who ever though of "First Try Fridays" must have been a frickin genius! Just say it out loud: "FIRST TRY FRIDAYS". It's really catchy! You have to be a goddarm poet to come up with that next level type of iambic pentameter type stuff.
Think about it:First Try Fridays is seriously on some Matthew Barney/Drawing Restraint shit; an athletic model of development in which growth/success occurs only through restraint. The restraint in this case being only having one chance to perform the hammer. The only warm up you get: tying your laces!
I don't know what they put in that stolen/irrigated LA drinking water, but it must be something special because anyone that comes within Berrics' vicinity is always bound for success, is bound for glory.
But I think the Berrics' secret to their success also has also to do in part with those obscene levels or comradery, bro-manship, positive energy and dick sucking that park/website so naturally exudes.
Special Mission Operative Journal Log Command:
Can I get a "Hip Hip Horray!"!??
"Hip Hip Horray!"
"Hip Hip Horray!"
That was pathetic! I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hip Hip Horray!"!??
"Hip Hip Horray!"
"Hip Hip Horray!
That's much better! At ease comrades, at ease.
Right now I am fantasizing about the imaginary Seneca Garcia First Try Friday Episode. Berra is being filmed while he's talking to someone requesting me to backside Petekra grind the ledge in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart.
They follow Berra outside and I'm pulling up in my rented Prius.
Berras like "Seneca! Glad you made it bro! Guess what today is?"
I'm getting out of the car trying not to look too second hand embarrassed and put on the spot because Steve Berra is talking to me while hes on the phone with little Timmy from Madison Wisconsin and one of his underling hacks is filming it all.
I well know it's F.T.F. because Iv'e been thinking about the Berrics all day on the plane, but I still act like I'm a little bit wet behind the ears because I'm trying not to come off as the skate nerd who tries too hard, that which I am.
I'm like :"No I have no idea what today is. What are you talking about?"
Berras like "It's First Try Friday and little Timmy from Madison Wisconsin wants you to do a backside Petekra grind on the ledge thats in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart. "
I'm like " Can I do something easier? Like maybe an ollie to fakie on one of the quarters or something."
Berra motions me his board with overly tight trucks and says: "You know the rules Seneca! We got the request from little Timmy. Timmy from Wisconsin is calling the shots- controlling the Sk8 media content. He wants you to backside Petekra grind
on the ledge in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart. Now do it now!!"
I'm like "Fuck man, I just got off the plane and am still hungover from Poison Girl last night. What about nollie to fakie on the quarter?"
"Petekra grind, Seneca. Petekra grind."
I put down my laptop and acoustic guitar, grab the board Berra hands me and roll around hitting all the banks. I'm not yet adjusted to the California climate but I still find myself approaching the ledge, where I fling my self onto it only to have Berra's board shoot out and knock down an unused light stand."
Berra and cameraman come trotting over to me.
Berra puts his arm on my shoulder, consoling me.
I'm trying my best to seem stoner casual, all laissez faire. I try to say something funny, referencing Bob Burnquist in Menikmati: " Better stick to the vert!"
Everyone then just starts busting out in a chorus of laughter that fills the warehouse.
Berras like :"No Seneca, looks like you need to just stick to the blogging!"
(salutes blogger dashboard on the computer screen).
It's Wednesday, but I'm already wishing it was First Try Friday. The only thing I have to tide me over is re watching the last harrowing episode with little Felipe Gustavo getting woken up at four in the morning by Neil Mims (or was it Pat Duffy?).
I was thinking to myself: "Felipe was in the deepest of sleeps on the floor of the office. The kids no doubt got talent, but I'm sorry, theres no way he can switch flip the mini seven first try!!!!". And low and behold Felipe exceeds all my expectations.
And what style that kid has! He just popped it, flicked the shit out of it, locked it and landed it super clean with a super hippidy hoppidy-hop steez. So fucking buttery!!!
Who ever though of "First Try Fridays" must have been a frickin genius! Just say it out loud: "FIRST TRY FRIDAYS". It's really catchy! You have to be a goddarm poet to come up with that next level type of iambic pentameter type stuff.
Think about it:First Try Fridays is seriously on some Matthew Barney/Drawing Restraint shit; an athletic model of development in which growth/success occurs only through restraint. The restraint in this case being only having one chance to perform the hammer. The only warm up you get: tying your laces!
I don't know what they put in that stolen/irrigated LA drinking water, but it must be something special because anyone that comes within Berrics' vicinity is always bound for success, is bound for glory.
But I think the Berrics' secret to their success also has also to do in part with those obscene levels or comradery, bro-manship, positive energy and dick sucking that park/website so naturally exudes.
Special Mission Operative Journal Log Command:
Can I get a "Hip Hip Horray!"!??
"Hip Hip Horray!"
"Hip Hip Horray!"
That was pathetic! I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hip Hip Horray!"!??
"Hip Hip Horray!"
"Hip Hip Horray!
That's much better! At ease comrades, at ease.
Right now I am fantasizing about the imaginary Seneca Garcia First Try Friday Episode. Berra is being filmed while he's talking to someone requesting me to backside Petekra grind the ledge in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart.
They follow Berra outside and I'm pulling up in my rented Prius.
Berras like "Seneca! Glad you made it bro! Guess what today is?"
I'm getting out of the car trying not to look too second hand embarrassed and put on the spot because Steve Berra is talking to me while hes on the phone with little Timmy from Madison Wisconsin and one of his underling hacks is filming it all.
I well know it's F.T.F. because Iv'e been thinking about the Berrics all day on the plane, but I still act like I'm a little bit wet behind the ears because I'm trying not to come off as the skate nerd who tries too hard, that which I am.
I'm like :"No I have no idea what today is. What are you talking about?"
Berras like "It's First Try Friday and little Timmy from Madison Wisconsin wants you to do a backside Petekra grind on the ledge thats in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart. "
I'm like " Can I do something easier? Like maybe an ollie to fakie on one of the quarters or something."
Berra motions me his board with overly tight trucks and says: "You know the rules Seneca! We got the request from little Timmy. Timmy from Wisconsin is calling the shots- controlling the Sk8 media content. He wants you to backside Petekra grind
on the ledge in front of the ominous Berrics Game of S.K.A.T.E. chart. Now do it now!!"
I'm like "Fuck man, I just got off the plane and am still hungover from Poison Girl last night. What about nollie to fakie on the quarter?"
"Petekra grind, Seneca. Petekra grind."
I put down my laptop and acoustic guitar, grab the board Berra hands me and roll around hitting all the banks. I'm not yet adjusted to the California climate but I still find myself approaching the ledge, where I fling my self onto it only to have Berra's board shoot out and knock down an unused light stand."
Berra and cameraman come trotting over to me.
Berra puts his arm on my shoulder, consoling me.
I'm trying my best to seem stoner casual, all laissez faire. I try to say something funny, referencing Bob Burnquist in Menikmati: " Better stick to the vert!"
Everyone then just starts busting out in a chorus of laughter that fills the warehouse.
Berras like :"No Seneca, looks like you need to just stick to the blogging!"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Berrics Dep of United Nations Member Enrollment : PLan B
What does the Berrics Department of United Nations video section have to do with an autonomous international organization that maintains peace and promotes cooperation in solving economic, social and humanitarian problems? Um.........maybe it has something to do with the site's Indiana Jones warehouse crate motif that hints slightly as if it was manufactured by some kind of active military industrial complex.
Remember when you were really young (before you started skating perhaps)and you and your friends or next door neighbors were obsessed with toy guns and G.I. Joes and Chinese stars and Ninjas and stuff and you would ride your bikes to the forest by the bayou and run around and pretend like you were soldiers fighting a super secret war between good and evil?
It's maybe kinda like that kinda shit that the Berrics is getting on.
I don't look at the Plan B being so much as a bland team of disparate skaters who are paid to skate like they are training for the Olympics, but I see them more as an elite group of specially trained street snipers who are shooting clips (literally!) to rid the world of mediocre/subpar skate tricks!!!!
This mission of course invariably falls a bit short because their focus is lost on other seemingly less important details (recruiting charismatic riders, fabricating coherent/original/sophisticated graphics, articulating a certain interesting lifestyle or sensibility)that accompany running a skateboard company.
If you feel like watching a generic stereotypical ethic Latino skater archetype who skates good, for instance, then you can still get a Paul Rodriquez. And just in case you were worried, P-rod isn't afraid to sport the post hip hop facial hair, get a tattoo of Jesus or design the inside of his Nike to look like the upholstery of a Cadillac that was mod-ed in Tijuana.
You can see PJ Ladd skate with the same heroic over-intensity he does all his tricks with, with the Battle of the Berrics game of s.k.a.t.e. chart ominously staring in the background taking mental notes. (If that humongous sign could talk, I would just love to hear the stories it would tell!!!)
The fact that Torrey Pudwill getting on Plan B does absolutely nothing for me, only further illustrates that the difference between an "Almost" and a "Plan- B" are about as minuscule as the difference you feel when skating the Almost patented "uber light/impact support construction" from a normal Sk8 deck.
Colin McCay sleeping clips perfectly illustrates the state of affairs with the current crop of Plan B- legends resting on certain laurels thinking anything they do will be fantastic, not being critical enough and eschewing the edge they had when they were under the Rocco/Ternasky helm.
If you guys want to get serious about running your company you know you can contact me for my services here.
Remember when you were really young (before you started skating perhaps)and you and your friends or next door neighbors were obsessed with toy guns and G.I. Joes and Chinese stars and Ninjas and stuff and you would ride your bikes to the forest by the bayou and run around and pretend like you were soldiers fighting a super secret war between good and evil?
It's maybe kinda like that kinda shit that the Berrics is getting on.
I don't look at the Plan B being so much as a bland team of disparate skaters who are paid to skate like they are training for the Olympics, but I see them more as an elite group of specially trained street snipers who are shooting clips (literally!) to rid the world of mediocre/subpar skate tricks!!!!
This mission of course invariably falls a bit short because their focus is lost on other seemingly less important details (recruiting charismatic riders, fabricating coherent/original/sophisticated graphics, articulating a certain interesting lifestyle or sensibility)that accompany running a skateboard company.
If you feel like watching a generic stereotypical ethic Latino skater archetype who skates good, for instance, then you can still get a Paul Rodriquez. And just in case you were worried, P-rod isn't afraid to sport the post hip hop facial hair, get a tattoo of Jesus or design the inside of his Nike to look like the upholstery of a Cadillac that was mod-ed in Tijuana.
You can see PJ Ladd skate with the same heroic over-intensity he does all his tricks with, with the Battle of the Berrics game of s.k.a.t.e. chart ominously staring in the background taking mental notes. (If that humongous sign could talk, I would just love to hear the stories it would tell!!!)
The fact that Torrey Pudwill getting on Plan B does absolutely nothing for me, only further illustrates that the difference between an "Almost" and a "Plan- B" are about as minuscule as the difference you feel when skating the Almost patented "uber light/impact support construction" from a normal Sk8 deck.
Colin McCay sleeping clips perfectly illustrates the state of affairs with the current crop of Plan B- legends resting on certain laurels thinking anything they do will be fantastic, not being critical enough and eschewing the edge they had when they were under the Rocco/Ternasky helm.
If you guys want to get serious about running your company you know you can contact me for my services here.
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